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Friday, January 13, 2012
That awkward moment when...
That awkward moment when lying becomes so much of you
that it practically makes up your life and half the people you know.
Just a funny thought i wanted to share.
Anyway,
Not going to my lovely job today. Staying home to study for next week's papers.
But damn it- i miss those cheerful buggers already. :(
You know, it started out awkward. I wasn't sure what to make of them, my job or the place.
But those little quirks and funny things they did eventually became an absolute norm to me.
And now, the fact that i'll only be seeing them ONE more time next week, and won't be staying long after....that just makes me sad.
MISS YOU STUPID BUGGERS.
YOU'D BETTER BEHAVE TODAY.
AND KEEP UP MY STREAK BY KICKING THE OTHER TEAM'S ASSES TODAY PLEASE.
MAKE ME PROUD.
Posted at 1/13/2012 5:55:23 am by peanut716
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Sunday, January 08, 2012
watch me bubble and boil over.
and i hope it scalds you.
--
HAVE.to.rant.
Uber annoyed by certain people's behaviour- so much so that even after i've given myself 24 hours to cool off, it still hasn't abated.
So, i need to vent.
(Before i have to find something to kill.)
I seriously hate you.
I haven't been this close to losing my temper for years. Dealing with your attitude took me everything to hold on to that fiery monster that was rearing its ugly head inside of me.
A feeling I thought no longer existed since it's been so dormant.
I hate unreasonable people. I fucking hate people who think they know everything and start mouthing off at me as though they understand the whole bloody universe.
Guess what, douchebag? YOU, don't. GOD is the only one who does.
And thank god for that. Because imagine if underlings like you were put in-charge.
Stupid little bitch. Getting all up in my face and pointing fingers everywhere like you have the right to.
Such arrogance I haven't witnessed in ages.
One of my BIGGEST pet-peeves.
Funny enough, maybe that's why I get along with many people whom others deem as "arseholes" and "jackasses" because they're so darn straightforward.
What I call 'brutally honest'. And as long as they have tactfulness, it's a trait i highly appreciate.
No matter what others think, these guys are usually the ones who turn out to be my best friends.
Why? Because they don't bullshit. They hold their own strong opinions, but they let you have yours. And they understand and respect you enough to NOT force their own opinions down your throats like some uncivilized, uneducated pig. -.-
I guess university education escaped you huh?
Do yourself a favor and familiarize yourself with the term "intelligent debate" please.
That's when you can voice your own thoughts BUT still respect other people's opinions. Argue based on facts. Or at least with the understanding that you may be wrong.
Don't be rude and start shooting your mouth off like you own the world. Cuz oh honey, i can guarantee you, you absolutely DON'T.
Especially when it's regarding one's personal matters.
You should have enough courtesy to respect a person's boundaries. Regardless of who they are to you.
For future reference,
Crossing swords with me over my personal matters IS sure-as-hell overstepping the boundaries.
Understand that you're an outsider.
I'm open enough to chat with you about anything you like. You want to ask about my personal life, I don't care, go ahead.
But the moment you start acting like you know me BETTER than I know myself, you're fucking with the wrong person. Just so you know.
So please, for your own sake, and also my limited civility towards you right now,
do not ever cross the line with me again.
I swear I will fight you to the death and sincerely won't give a fuck if I lose all ties with you.
I defend the people I love, fiercely and with every ounce of breath in me. And if you don't even know that simplest fact by now, then you obviously do not have the right to claim that you even "know" me at all.
Kapeesh? Good.
Posted at 1/8/2012 12:48:50 pm by peanut716
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Thursday, January 05, 2012
Snap back to reality,
-WHOOP, there goes gravity.
On a random note, my chosen title makes me feel like a vampire. :P
the top are lines from an old Eminem song btw.
Know I haven't been around much, but there's been quite abit to do around here!
Moved to a new place.
Finally got all the nitty-gritty details sorted out this morning. Tucking things away into all the nooks and crannies of my little room- it looks charming now. ;)
The first half of tedious 'putting-away' was helped greatly by the boyf of course.  hey, i know to give credit where it's due. ;)
Things on the interweb.
Well, there's the meme wedding proposal which blew my mind. don't judge me, i know i'm a sucker for romance.
it was sweet, sincere and well thought-out. Simple, but so endearing.
Nicely done.
Here's the link for your perusal, and i daresay it's worth every second.
Check out the meme proposal !
Next, there's the philosoraptor song that i'm currently addicted to. I can't help it...it gives me happy thoughts. :)
I call it the new 'Dino song'. hehe. Mostly because it's kinda replacing "Barney the purple dino"...get it? No? Nevermind.
Click here for the Dino song !
New Year Resolutions?
Yes, i made some.
2011 was a big year for me. It taught me alot and I grew from my experiences. I had to put up with more than the usual but given a chance, there's nothing I would re-do. It worked out just fine and I'm happy.
So I just figured 2012 deserved the same oomph and made nine resolutions that work towards making myself a better person. :)
'Nine' may not seem like much to you, but i figured instead of making that typical longgg list that most of us end up forgetting- for once, I'd like to do just a few that i can focus on.
Also, speaking of NY resolutions.. if any of you are interested, there's currently an ongoing competition on Michelle Phan's site- a box of Lancome gifts worth $500 for the winner.
Those whose ears have perked up at the idea of free make-up or $500, I've given you the link so you can go ahead and try your luck.
After all, you've got nothing to lose. It's easy as.
Tell us your NY resos!
1. Treat others with more patience, love and kindness. Everybody needs it.
2. Take chances. Stop hesitating. It wastes time.
3. Be even more independent.
4. Answer every call on my phone. Yes, i do know i have this bad tendency of ignoring calls.
5. Do at least five new exciting things this year. Like surfing. Which i intend to do this Saturday.
6. Find a job I actually like doing. Something I love that feels rewarding. And gives me the happies. :)
7. Have more self-discipline. With time, money, food & people.
8. Be more organized with studying, socializing and sleep.
9. Be on time, all the time. If you know me personally, you'll probably know how important this one is. :P
Resumes Randomness..
And ooh- i wish i had some of these right about now.
Sandwiches with pizazz
-And i definitely want some of this.
Wowza. I wouldn't think twice bfore getting into that.
Also... 'tis true I am guilty of this:
Must be that god-darned wanderlust.
Here's a cute puppy picture to draw some "awwww"s outta you guys.
and give you some warm fuzzy feelings. :) Those are important too.
Thought my mum might like this:
Pretty cool. :)
And lastly..-
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
May 2012 be the bringer of all your dreams, beautiful days and beautiful people. ♥
Much loves,
Crys.
Posted at 1/5/2012 7:37:22 am by peanut716
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Saturday, December 10, 2011
Sitting in my new room, my thoughts winding through everything that it's been through to get here.
It is really pretty here though, isn't it.
Thinking through what my cousin said earlier to me- and I can only say that I am happy where I am. And just like that, in my mind, I've answered his question. I love the city. I wouldn't give it up for anything. The mulling crowd, the people, -the comfort in knowing that you can walk in the city full of strangers and never feel lonely.
Without any feelings of practical certainty nor a firm grip of my bearings,
all that I can keep a hold on is my next move, my next moment and my next second.
And yet, the strange knowing that that is all I truly need.
The moment I saw that bicycle glide past my street into the rain. The speeding light of cars that glimmer away into the night. The people walking in umbrellas, content with their simplicity.
To be able to have a midnight stroll and still be caught in the rain with a wide array of people, just like you, wandering about at that time of the night.
The feeling of belonging truly to myself just arrived out of the blue.
To get where I want, to become who I want to be, to fly and soar like no other,-
this, my sweet, is the perfect recipe.
The best ironic situation for the artistic soul that wanders in the rain. So enchanting that it just chooses to befall the seeker of it's treasures, of what it has to offer, of the best that life can give.
Merely understanding that growth is a beautiful thing in life.
Posted at 12/10/2011 10:35:57 pm by peanut716
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Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Salt water.
Purer than you can imagine.
**
Going with the little pinpricks of thoughts in my head. :)
The hospital wasn't all bad. There were things that happened there that helped us grow closer than anything else.
*though you guys won't be getting much specifics here. ;) *
The friends.
You realize the friends who would hitch a cab all the way over for you, in the dead of the night, alone.
Namely, Bea. ♥
and Evonne, who came with the others.
Especially the fact that they're there even when you're not the one hit by the car. Now that's love.
(I'm pretty sure the rest came solely to see the boyf.)
I didn't burst into tears when they were around, nor cry on their shoulders like i was expected to, i suppose. Because i'm the kind that would rather hold back the tears no matter how much it hurts, or how lost i feel.
(Although admittedly, i did come close to tears many many times. Not sure if anyone noticed.)
But the mere fact that they were there, even though i didn't pull out the waterworks for them- that Bea offered her house, and charger, and company- that was enough, really. :)
The thoughts.
Oh how i hated those machines and tubes stuck into him. It seemed to just emphasize the fact that he wasn't himself.
That his body couldn't even breathe on its own when he was completely fine just a few hours ago.
How small the stupid machines made one seem. How the tubes just looked so threatening that i would go out of my way to avoid touching or bumping into any of them, just in case it would start making everything go wrong.
How i wanted to just rip out all the cords and take him home. Away from that almost-alien place, filled with sick and dying people, with nurses that have seen to much to even care.
How i wished to rewind the clock and have never let him leave the house 5 minutes earlier than i did. Wished that i had told him to just cancel dinner and stay in.
The story.
I didn't even see the accident. I wasn't there.
We were meant to meet Evonne for dinner that night. The plan was going smoothly til we were about to leave the house to get her.
I suddenly felt sick. With this strange stomach pain that made no sense, since i ruled out gastric and food poisoning. He sat awhile with me and we debated staying in.
I thought of Evonne and how we had cancelled too many times before. I didn't want to do it again. I told him to pick-up Evonne without me and let my stomach settle. I said i'd meet them at the restaurant.
He made me promise i would go, saying he would wait for me as long as it took, even if it rained- even if the restaurant had closed down. I remember just smiling at his corny lines and shoo-ing him after Evonne.
That was the last i saw him.
A few minutes after he left, i started feeling better so i headed out. I figured i wouldn't need my phone and left the house with nothing but my keys, happily swinging them in one hand.
Right outside my house, near the traffic lights, i saw police cars and an ambulance, with the red light flashing like it always does. I saw a body lying on the road- but all i could see was the knees, which were propped up.
I remember just walking past, thinking to myself,
"Ah, what a pity. People should be more careful. Hope that guy's OK."
The panic.
I had circled the dinner place for over half an hour. Going back and forth between Evonne's study spot and the restaurant. I had forgotten my phone, and i figured i would bump into them eventually if i kept walking along that road.
After 45 minutes, i got annoyed and still had no clue where they were. I had walked into and searched the restaurant enough times for the shop employees to think i was a madwoman. They were closing by then, and in a huffy mood, i decided to walk home.
This part, i can't explain.
On the way back, a sudden feeling hit me. A knowing, or something, that he was THE GUY in the car accident. That he wasn't there simply because he couldn't meet me.
And with his promise to wait for me ringing in my ears, i ran home. Wishing and hoping to dear God that it wasn't true.
By the time i got home, i was in such a state of panic that i was surprised a heart attack hadn't hit me yet. Slamming open the front door, i remember thinking-
"Hell, if i find out that the boy is completely safe and that all this is just a fluke, i'm going to have to beat him up myself. :P "
The circus of phones.
With my heart pounding, i rang his phone. Wanting to hear his voice and know that he was fine- that i wouldn't care what he was doing, or who he was with- as long as he picked up. His phone was dead.
On the verge of panicking to death myself, i rang Evonne. Hoping that she would say he was with her. I didn't even care if they had ditched me- i just wanted him whole and alive. She said we were half an hour late and she hadn't seen him.
My heart stopped.
Anyway, with my heart in my throat, i called the emergency number and got shit done. Calling hospitals, ambulances and being directed to various people- eventually my heart dropped to my feet and went cold at the words,
"Yes, a 20-year old male just got hit by a car along the street you mentioned. But i can't give you a name."
I hung up- and on a hunch, dialled for the Royal Melbourne Hospital.
Upon hearing "Actually, a patient with that name just got wheeled in. Would you please give us your details?"
I asked her which where the hospital was and ran all the way there. Non-stop.
(Note: I personally don't have an impressive stamina. I can't even run a complete round of the park without stopping for air. So running 20-minutes there was an amazing feat. A downright personal record.)
Process.
Apparently, bursting into the hospital doesn't guarantee you attention. They reel you through the same stupid process of filling out forms and info before letting you in to see the person you ran all the way there for.
And oh, the nerve! The receptionist's first words to me were,
"Haha, you can calm down."
CALM DOWN?! I'll tell you to calm the fuck down when somebody you love just got RAMMED by a stupid-good-for-nothing car and when you're stuck talking out front at a counter, struggling to SOUND civilized, when all you want to do is SEE him to make sure HE'S ALRIGHT.
=.=
Anyway, eventually she slapped an overly-bright pink sticker on me that said "Visitor" and finally opened the 'magic' glass doors to let me in.
The next thing i remember was racing through the confusing routes inside (it's like a maze in the ER unit, seriously) -and throwing myself at his "room"
(it's really more of a box with a curtain. :P )
Read the situation, please.
The next thing i knew was being faced with this giant curtain, not knowing whether that was even him behind it- until a nurse said,
"Are you Crystal?"
I panted a 'yes' and she pushed open the curtains- and there he was. D:
All white and wrapped up and "tubed". All over.
Scratches, bruises, broken bones, abrasions- you name it.
And then the nurse proceeded to block me and ask me about my mobile number.
FOR MY MOBILE NUMBER. AT THAT MOMENT.
CAN YOU NOT? -.- Seriously, you've got to read the situation. When somebody (i.e. me) looks ready to claw you to death when you're blocking her from her darling that she ran 20 minutes straight to the hospital for, then FOR GOD'S SAKE-
LET HER PASS.
Mobile number before seeing him, gosh. You must be kidding me. It's not like she would've died if she asked me that later on, when i've had a chance to properly see my baby and gauge the damage. -.-
Finally alone.
After all the fluster, the nurses finally had tact to leave us alone. Plus, they seemed to pick up that them walking around with needles and clipboards didn't help to ease my agitation.
I remember only wanting to hold his hand. Even while running there, all i could think was-
'i need to hold his hand. It's not OK until i can feel his hand in mine.'
*was actually tearing up at wanting to hold his hand desperately.*
But when i got to his bedside, finally left alone with him, i couldn't breathe. The first words i choked out were,
"Thank GOD you're alive. OMG, what the hell man? What were you thinking?"
Inappropriate questions for a sick person i know- but hey, my brain was pretty much drained at that point.
All i knew was that i was by his side, he was breathing...-and that meant he was going to be fine..right? :(
I remember being reluctant to even lift his blanket to search for his hand. For fear i would find him even more injured than the scraped parts i could already see. For fear that he wouldn't be able to.
For fear that i would injure him more by doing so.
In the end, he told me i could. My heart flinched seeing him try to move his hand, looking for mine.
But it did, and everything wasn't fine- but it felt better.
His story.
Barely being able to speak- weak from being knocked out by the car, but i still wanted to hear whatever he had to say. I clung on to whatever words his lungs could put together.
Whatever breath he had, he used, to tell me things i thought people only heard on TV shows.
"When i woke, my first thought was you."
And that in his disoriented and confused state, he managed to recite my number to the nurse when he first woke up alone in the ER with nurses.
(It would be nice to note here that he has never memorized my number and thus, he hasn't a clue as to how he even managed to spew it out.)
Many other things, of course. Too many details to fit in here, but definitely each and every one needing to be remembered.
The heart.
Of the many moments, there is one i particularly remember. One that could almost be deemed as my favourite memory in the entire hospital experience. ;)
The first few days, he had a heart rate monitor that was permanently attached to him to ensure his breathing and heart beat was stable.
The story goes that whenever i held his hand, his heart rate spiked up. (;
*Haha, oh the cutiepie. :D *
That said, i didn't really notice until one of our friends pointed it out. But it was sweet and cute of his heart to race whenever i was near. (;
That, is something not everybody can experience- which is why i love that one thing about the entire incident.
*unless you start plugging people up to heart rate monitors and seeing if you make their hearts do a little dance for you. :) *
Plus, feelings like that just can't be faked. :)
The heart wants what the heart wants.
And with a heart rate monitor, the other person can know too. ;)
I love you. ♥
and i wouldn't have done anything differently, because it brought out the best in me and you. :)
Posted at 10/25/2011 4:59:24 am by peanut716
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